After we agreed to the DNR for Lily, which was the stark reality she may not make it, we went back to see her before leaving her for treatment at the ER. She was laboring to breathe and helpless in the little neonatal incubator with oxygen. We sobbed and cried all the way home hoping she would pull out of this.
About 45 minutes to an hour after arriving home, the ER vet called, she started coughing and her heart just couldn't take it anymore, she was gone.
Sleeping was difficult, there was a lot of crying and sobbing. Brian woke at 3am as he usually did to take Lily outside. She wasn't there. I awoke not long afterwards to find him sitting at the computer posting on Facebook.
We decided we would feel better if we made arrangements for her, so we called and made the cremation arrangements, in fact we called back 4 times to fix, correct, or add to the order! We tried to go back to sleep, but it took awhile.
I could not bear to look at her bed in the kitchen so I tossed it down the basement stairs in anquish, not knowing what else to do in my sadness. Brian went down and quietly picked it up and put it away in the basement. We went back to bed and tossed around what to do with all of her things.
Finally, we fell asleep amidst tears and sadness.
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